I was late in church today and wasn’t able to catch up with the rest of my family until the end of the mass. When I did, they were all smiles, with my mom exclaiming, “You look sexy today!”
Sexy? No, I wasn’t. I just looked–and felt–better. It’s both surprising and amazing how much a little makeup and dressing up can make you feel more confident, more beautiful, and sometimes a much better person than you are when you wake up. This is the exact thought that ran in my head.
I am not sexy. I am overweight, though I’m working at it right now. I may be about five years ago when I would starve myself and exercise for hours. But then, before, I felt more miserable.
I remember when I was in high school, I used to drop by SM Cebu and weigh myself in that large stainless steel scale outside National Bookstore. Each weigh cost 5 pesos, and surely I spent a lot. Yet I didn’t mind. I was happy every time it told me I was underweight. Yes, it made me feel so relieved to be far below that what’s good for me, what’s ideal for my age and height.
Worse, even when I was already so underweight, some would still call me “chubby” and at times in-your-face “fat.” It always bothered and frustrated me. I didn’t want to be chubby, let alone fat. I didn’t even want to be sexy. All I wanted was to be thin, and the process of getting into that point filled my life with a lot of insecurities. That emotional pain I carried through for more than 10 years of my life, and it’s only in the last 3 years that I slowly learned to let go of it.
I am not saying I feel good being like this. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be avoiding rice and watching what I eat. I am not comfortable with my weight, but I’m also past the need to look what others want me to look. I’m past the pressure, I’m past the insecurities. I am at a point when I am learning to love myself more, and that fuels me to take care of myself a lot better.
I’m on my third week of no-rice diet! Can you believe that? I can’t. After all, it felt like it was only yesterday when I told myself I can’t quit it. I’m still trying to get the hang of it, but definitely I’m getting better. I’ll show you what I’ve been eating instead in my future posts.
Today I’m going to share with you my new baby. I think I already mentioned my shuffling back and forth to Boljo-on. Here’s one of the reasons:
I’m putting up a religious supply store called Saint Therese (because she’s my favorite saint). This will be formally opened on August 11, a Sunday. It’s located down south, and as far as I know, it’s the ONLY one of its kind there. It’s not going to be the next Saint Paul’s, though I’m hoping; but it’s enough to cater to churches, organizations, and anyone who find traveling to the city to buy the supplies tedious. I’ll also be having a very small snack bar with batchoy and lugaw just to add more to the income. In time, I may be able to convert the terrace (you see above the store) into a small coffee shop or restaurant.
I’m just excited. I haven’t really sold anything in my life, but I have the best mentors with me–my parents and my sister–and love the awesome support I’m receiving from the rest of my kin and Bernard. It’s a beautiful change in my life.
Before you think otherwise, I’ll be making this clear: I don’t have “countless” shining jewelry pieces. I do have some, yes, and most of them I now consider heirloom since my mom bought them for me a couple of years ago. What I have the most are earrings, necklaces, and bracelets made of faux glittering stones and chains. I am fond of wood, seeds, and shells as well. Some of the earrings were proudly made by me. (And I’m eager to go back to that hobby soon.)
My “collection,” however, is not the main agenda of this blog post but the organizer. I have been dreaming of the day when I can have some form of organization for these trinkets. I had gone through many different boxes, containers, jars, etc.–to no avail. Then while I was cleaning my kitchen, I noticed the silver holder for some of my kitchen ware, such as a peeler, can opener, and grater. Many of them didn’t work anymore, and the ones that did had found a new home. This then meant I had no use of the holder until I remembered my jewelry pieces. To keep the story very short, here it is:
I think I did a good job at reusing it.
Hi, everyone! It’s been quite a while, isn’t it? I missed a lot of things and a lot of people, but I’m really at a point in my life when I want to focus more on myself first. Over the past few months, I felt a little bit lost and tired and so burned out. I wasn’t at my best, and I didn’t love myself for it. But definitely I’m so eager to bounce back and come out a way better version of me.
That doesn’t mean, though, I wasn’t doing anything at all. Moping wasn’t part of the agenda. In fact, I had never been this tired in my life! I’ve been cleaning the house for the past two days (and I’m not yet even done!). I had traveled to Boljoon, my province, twice in a span of two weeks. I’m also on my second week of not eating rice. Some frowned upon it. I mean what’s a Filipino if he or she doesn’t eat rice? I love rice, whether garlic or fried. But then, a cup has about 200+ calories. Multiply that by 3, and you have 600 calories from rice alone. If a regular person, on the average, needs to consume between 1,200 and 1,500 each day–well, you do that math. Couple it with a sedentary lifestyle, and viola! You’re packing a lot of pounds.
Bernard is back in school. He’s already on his second or third week. He’s currently enrolled in the University of the Philippines Cebu for master’s in mathematics education.
I’ve been trying my hands on more “intensive cooking,” adding more vegetables in the ingredients to make every dish more filling. I hope it helps Bernard lose the extra pounds as well.
Can’t wait to share some of my work-in-progress projects, from food to crafts. I need great suggestions and feedback from you. 🙂